Dating and the Single Parent (Part 2 of 2)
(Continued from Single Parent Dating)It is also important not to start dating for the wrong reasons. Some single parents think they are in competition with their ex, particularly if they were left for a younger partner. They also might be playing a game to prove to the ex that they are desirable by dating as many people as possible. In a nutshell, don't date for emotional revenge, to allay feelings of loneliness or to prove your desirability to others.
Another illusion is that a new romantic partner can somehow fix what is broken in your day-to-day life. If you want a plumber, call a plumber. If you are looking for a babysitter, call a babysitter. If you need a loan, go to a bank. Don't expect your date or new partner to do these things for you.
There's nothing sexier or more attractive than successful, healthy and happy people. They have a certain charisma about them. Neediness and desperation puts others off. Save any tendency to indulge in "misery loves company" for your support group and spare your date the bummer excuses for being single.
When you are ready to date, perhaps the single most important thing you can do to enhance your confidence and self-esteem is to get a makeover. Color your hair, get a manicure and treat yourself to some new clothes. If you are overweight, adopt a fitness program. These measures will go a long way to enhance your attractiveness to others.
When considering a potential date or partner, the single parent should check to see that the individual possesses the following qualities.
First of all it is important that the person likes kids and is patient with their sometimes irritating behavior. Secondly, he or she should not try to discipline your kids for you, as the biological parent should always do this. Thirdly, the individual you are dating should be grown up enough to not be jealous of your children if you need to spend time with them.
Your date or new partner should also realize that sleep-overs at your home are not a good idea at first. He or she should be amiable to the idea of being slowly introduced into your children's lives.
Don't introduce the new person unless you think the relationship has long-term potential. New relationships might not work out, so wait a while before you introduce the new person to your children. Introducing many people in the children's life creates confusion and insecurity. It is also a bad idea to bring them along on dates, as children often resent people that they might perceive as replacing the real mother or father in their lives.
The rule of thumb when getting back into the dating scene is to "go slowly." A new person who is worth having in your life will understand your need to ease them slowly into your intimate family circle.