Surviving and Thriving in a Long Distance Romance (Part 2 of 2)
(Continued from Long Distance Relationships)For those couples who have been separated by a cruel or unnecessary fate, such as a deployment to war or a necessarily business trip, there are some strategies that you can use to keep your relationship on an even, emotionally balanced keel:
The first key to making a long-distance relationship work is to keep communicating with each other. The problem with distance is that it can breed doubt and misunderstanding. Emails and chat on Yahoo or MSN can also be misread. The best way to communicate is by phone so you can hear the timbre of your lover's voice and be absolutely clear about what you are saying. Make appointment times for when you will call each other and make it a priority to never, ever miss calling on the agreed time. This is part of your commitment to each other that nothing, not even distance, will ever come between you.
Given all of the technology at our disposal today, maintaining a long distance relationship is easier than ever, although an old-fashioned love letter, written by hand and sent by snail-mail is sometimes more meaningful than some happy faces sent by instant messenger.
The relationship will also endure if you keep planning to build a future together one day. One sure sign that a long-distance relationship is not working out is if your lover keeps making plans for the future that don't seem to include you. Even worse is the lover that won't even address the matter. This is one situation in which it is OK to occasionally bring up the question, "But what about us?"
Constantly reinforcing your long-term goal of staying together can help allay the day-to-day loneliness that many partners feel and also prevent an infidelity that could occur simply because of boredom. A mutual belief in the dreams of that the two of you share can go a long way towards cementing the two of you together. There is no better way of expressing your loyalty, then stressing the "we" word when talking to your partner online or on the phone.
There are some hidden perks to having a long-distance relationship. First of all, there is no chance of "familiarity breeding contempt." People who are separated by distance or unfortunate circumstances also often seem to try harder to make the relationship work.
Also, some individuals find it easier to express their true feelings in writing via email or chat than they do when they are face-to-face with their partner. Thus grievances are aired quicker, resolved more quickly and the relationship adapts a frankness and honesty that it might not have if the two of you were seeing each other every day.
Long distance relationships also have less chance of becoming codependent or toxic and can actually be of a great benefit to individuals of careerists. Rather than invest a great deal of energy in the relationship every day, both partners are free to follow their career aspects without the usual jealousy and emotional fall-out that sometimes accompanies a relationship with a busy person.
Another benefit of being separated is that it can heighten passion in a relationship as well as induce both parties to enjoy what quality time they do have to spend together. After all, it is human nature to value "what we can't have" the most.