How to Survive a Bad Breakup (Part 2 of 2)
(Continued from Breaking Up)Try to understand why the relationship failed, but remember not to blame yourself or analyze the matter until you feel crazy. Realize that if your partner wanted to be with you, you could have worked out your differences in other ways than by breaking up. Blaming him or her will also not do you any good, because even if it was his fault, all you are doing is defining yourself to others as a victim. It is a sad truth that you cannot have a relationship with someone who will not have a relationship with you.
Also, be careful about expressing too much anger towards your partner, especially in front of other people. Although it may feel good at the time, the long-term effect of cutting up a person you once loved makes you look unstable to others and also lowers your own self-respect. Beaming angry thoughts or saying angry words at your partner is also an unproductive activity that is not likely to change the past or the future.
While experiencing this angry phase, try to think of the consequences of your actions and whether or not your anger towards your ex is going to affect others, such as friends, employers and families. As this state of anger can feel pleasurable to some people, there is also a risk of getting addicted to the emotion. Some may find themselves expressing it in inappropriate situations just to feel the "rush" of adrenaline that hatred towards the ex now brings them.
While you may need some time alone to recover from the break-up, you also need to get out and socialize. Break-ups usually leave an individual feeling lonely, sad and abandoned. To avoid the feeling of loneliness, it is more beneficial to have a few closer relationships, rather than large numbers of shallow social contacts.
Studies have shown that endorphins (chemicals that cause pleasure signals in the brain) drop after heartbreak, leaving a person feeling depressed. Exercise has been shown to raise endorphin levels, so embarking on a fitness program is one way to recover from the agony of a break up.
Keep in mind that in order to get through the pain, you have to feel it, acknowledge it and accept it. Therefore, using drugs and alcohol to numb your brain won't make you feel better in the long run, but merely prolong the agony of the grieving process.
You are best off to see your break-up as a new beginning in life for you. You may now have certain freedoms that you may not have had while in the relationship. Once the initial period of sorrow is over, it is important to preoccupy yourself with activities you enjoy. Become more involved in your social group and phone friends that you haven't talked to for a while.
Try to see the break-up as a learning experience. Look at your behavioral patterns and your role in the relationship. You cannot change the past, but you can learn from it and make your future better. Take this as an opportunity to learn more about what you would like to improve about yourself.
Realize that there are a lot of advantages to being single. Being single allows you to focus and take better care of yourself. By spending time alone, you learn more about who you are and what you want- which will make it easier for you to choose a partner who can satisfy your needs. In your lifetime, you might have few opportunities to be single, so enjoy yourself while you can.
An important thing to tell yourself is that "this too shall pass." Life is a series of cycles with ups and downs and it is crucial that we not let moments of failure become the only moments that we use to define ourselves. As Anthony Robbins says, "your past need not equal the future."