Transcending the Age Gap in Relationships (Part 2 of 2)
(Continued from Age Gap)Whether you are male or female, perhaps the key to determining whether or not you are fooling yourself with this relationship is to figure out how much of it is based on pure lust. Not that there is anything wrong with pure lust, but it can make one "blind" to certain obvious differences such as the fact that he likes hot-dogs and watching football and you are big fan of the opera and fusion cuisine.
If the relationship is created purely for sexual purposes, there may be nothing wrong with that. In fact, many men believe that dating a younger woman is a certain kind of stewardship that is not only pleasurable, but helps with the maturing process of the young lady. There is no reason why older women shouldn't maintain the same attitude.
There is a big danger that these kinds of relationships can take on a kind of parental quality as well. There is nothing worse than having to beg your young lover to make his bed in the morning. Conversely, older males may become frustrated with a young partner's desire to go to a rave and worsen a developing hearing problem.
Another risk is that the younger partner may become dependent on you. It is a well known that younger lovers have been known to regress and lose their direction in life once they find themselves safely esconsced in the arms of an older lover. In fact, being supported as someone's love slave is good work if you can get it!
Then there are those embarrassing moments that are inevitably suffered by couples in a May/December romance. Definitely irritating are your colleagues who say bright things like "I didn't know you had a daughter!" or "What high school do you go to?"
Unfortunately, because of certain biological certainties, May/December relationships are often of a temporary nature. This is simply because the older individual is fated to die before the younger individual. Couples in this kind of relationship may decide that putting the younger partner through this kind of grief is simply not fair and set them free before feelings run any deeper. Another risk is that the older person may lose their sex drive or their looks. Looks can definitely change suddenly and rapidly between the ages of forty and fifty and although the younger person may swear that they will never ever leave you, the sad truth is that most people do not look the same at fifty-five as they did at forty-five.
Another concern is the question of childbearing. Some May/December relationships don't survive this issue, particularly if ten years into the relationship, the older individual is destined to go into menopause. This is not as big of a problem for men who retain their mating abilities for life, but it certainly is for women who may discover that their young buddy suddenly wants to fulfill his biological directive to have children. Of course, adoption may be an option for couples that find themselves truly in love.
Still there are many pros, as opposed to cons to dating a younger person. The younger person benefits from your wisdom and experience and the older person feels revitalized by the ego boost they get from having someone so young finding them attractive. Perhaps the most important thing to remember about the May participant in the romance is that he or she will embrace change more readily than you will. If you are a bit eccentric at all, or set in your ways, than a relationship with a big age gap is probably not for you. However, if you have a lot of energy, spontaneity and are the type that can agree to disagree, then there is no reason why you shouldn't ask that attractive young man across the room out for a date!